I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
