i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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