She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
