in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
