the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
