we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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