My hand turned me down
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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