Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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