this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
