it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't deserve a penis
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
