I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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