he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
