my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
