Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
