I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
