Slut skills are useful in every country.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
