yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
