The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
