and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
