I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
