I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Terrible idea I love it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
