i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize