She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
