everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
