we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
false alarm. still invincible.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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