Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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