foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
