all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
