I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
