I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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