he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
