wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hippo gnu deer
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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