My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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