I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
