Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
