Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Im part way to drunk.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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