no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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