I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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