Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
