Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
