I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
