I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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