Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
