return my video game
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
