paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
