i think my tv is drunk
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
