I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
