i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
