I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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