My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
