So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
