dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
