Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
