In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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