my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
