Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
