i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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