did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
