In the future we'll all be gay
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
