Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
