I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i dont even know how to be here
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
