she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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