At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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