I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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