Your face is a jimmy john
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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